Baseball Heaven, Voiceover Hell

I love baseball. I think about it all the time. I follow it as intensely during the winter as during the season. I read about prospects, I watch the World Baseball Classic when I can, and I watch games from the past season to study interesting players and teams. So naturally, I was very excited for pitchers and catchers to report yesterday.

I was particularly excited to go to and watch some of the first footage coming out of camps … and then I did. And I had my skin grated off by this little guy:

Dick Wad Sings the Hits

What cell phone store did they pluck this dopey over-enunciator from? To say that it’s not natural is understating it. It’s not even human-like! He’s been around awhile (in-season game recaps don his syrupy gag nightly), but this was the last straw for me. Welcome to my hate spot, Kimosabe.

It makes a little more sense when you read the job posting he responded to.

“We here at Major League Baseball are looking for a motivated former customer service representative interested in doing some voiceover work for the first time ever, with no practice.

The ideal candidate possesses the ability to track down and slash every word presented to them with a screeching, demonic, Disney character voice in a wooded area, where nobody can hear the screams. The more you sound like a talking tootsie roll’s accountant, the better!

Obsession with Aquatic Snails is a must.”

Mission accomplished, boys!

[RA Rowe]


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About ra_rowe

A long suffering Padres fan who grew up in San Diego, and moved to Pasadena, Rowe works as a Junior Product Manager and writes poetry in addition to knowing everything about baseball.

One response to “Baseball Heaven, Voiceover Hell”

  1. Bruce Rowe says :

    It’s like a sucky imitation of the guy who narrates for TMZ.

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