A Conversation of Baseball, etc.
You may remember I attempted a Podcast here a while back. It had a great name (National West Dispatch) and was really fun to record, but it wasn’t fun to edit and, while I think it turned out fine, it missed the mark. Simply put, I am not a professional talker and I wasn’t able to recreate the natural quality of conversation I normally enjoy outside the context of the podcast with my then co-host, Jeff.
The following post is copied and pasted from a conversation he and I had on google chat. It’s been formatted to look good, But it’s largely unchanged, and it’s what I wished the podcast could have been, maybe it still could be.
It features Dodger Stadium policies, the worst food decisions of 2013, colorful language and some surprisingly professional discourse regarding MLB’s new expanded replay. It begins with Jeff sending me a link to an article about how some jackass little league coach is suing a kid for $500,000. The kid chucked his helmet off celebrating as he scored the game winning run and the helmet severed the jackass coach’s achilles. He’s also so suing the league for another $500K.
Jeff: Every couple of years you get a great heartwarming story like this.
RA: “Fuck all humans” is the first thought that comes to mind, the second one is “that’s a bit extreme.” But the third one is “well, maybe not that extreme, though.”
J: That kid must’ve tossed the shit outta that helmet!
RA: Or that guy is made of hay. I wonder if anyone had a radar gun pointed at it.
J: Did John tell you about my Dodger Stadium research? About bringing in coolers and radios and stuff?
J: Oh, I was sitting around the other night thinking “I’ll never eat another Dodger Dog,” so I started trying to game plan around that. I’m actually considering bringing a cooler into every baseball game I go to this year, loaded with delicious sammies and bottled waters. It’s not earth shattering stuff, but it’s a pretty clear indication of where I’m at in my life.
RA: Let me just say, it sounds like you’re in a good place. Those are healthy thoughts. But what’s the research part?
J: First, stadium policies. Second, mini binoculars. I want to go to at least 10 dodgers games this year, like $8 tickets. I probably went to about that many last year so maybe I’m shooting low.
RA: It’s surprising that you’re allowed to bring in coolers.
J: Yeah, coolers. No ice. 16x16x8, so nothing big.
J: I thought “no way they’re letting you bring in a meal!”
RA: Same. This is making me realize that I am really at odds with stadium food. In fact, it’s the one part of the game experience I don’t like that much. Either you pay out the ass for something that is barely acceptable or you eat total shit.
J: I have a history of making rash food decisions at stadiums.
RA: I have seen it happen several times. Exhibit A: Spring Training nachos. Exhibit B: Jumbo picante dog.
J: Those nachos were a top 10 worst meal of 2013 contender. Followed by that weird office tamale thing. What was that??
RA: Haha. It was a tamale… sort of. It was called a tamale, but I would contend it was not one.
J: What was it covered in though? My memory is telling me it was a tamale on a hamburger or something.
RA: Haha, gross ass chili… well, chili slime.
J: Chili slime is right. That was the number one worst thing I ate in 2013. It had that microwave burrito soggy bottom covered in chili slime.
RA: Ugh fuck.
J: I can’t wait to see how poorly prepared MLB is to execute its new replay policy this year.
1. 50% of the coaches/managers will be reading about it for the first time this spring.
2. There are a maximum of 3 play-by-play announcers that will have even close to a clue about what’s happening by June. It’s going to be utter chaos.
RA: Haha, possibly true. I don’t know actually, I went to some AFL games and they had it going so they could diagnose some of the issues. So the league is at least in front of the curve to that extent.
J: Haha, that doesn’t fix the fact that it’s the league employees that don’t give half a shit. You can’t fix that in the AFL.
RA: No not the AFL employees, they had guys in from MLB to test it in live situations, with zero at stake.
J: They should make the coaches challenge calls in the spring so they get the hang of it.
RA: That’s actually what they were doing in the AFL. They were encouraging the managers to challenge any close plays just so they could run through the process as often as possible. I think the league is very freaked out about how this will go down, which means they are actually preparing in a somewhat effective manner.
J: There’s still a bunch of coaches that won’t know what the fuck is happening.
RA: Kirk Gibson, we’re looking at you! Actually the manager’s role is relatively simple, they just challenge or don’t and they either run out of challenges or they have more left over. Anything they don’t understand can be explained in the moment. Plus, the action of the challenge stems naturally from the flow of the game. They just replace going out to argue with going out to challenge. I’m more worried about how bad announcers will affect public opinion against it because they just aren’t clear enough on the play/procedure/etc.
RA: This is a good conversation. It has good stuff about being at the ballpark, MLB replay, funny food. You mind if I post it as an article? I’ll send you a transcript so you can omit anything you think is unsavory, etc.
J: Haha. Screw it, post away.
RA: You don’t want to take out all the stuff you said about how black guys make bad managers? And how you hate it when people have a gay looking face?
– RA Rowe with Jeff Walters